Some Wisdom via Dorothy Parker

News Item 

Men seldom make passes 

At girls who wear glasses.  

(Maybe that's my problem?)

Observation

If I don't drive around the park, 

I'm pretty sure to make my mark.

If I'm in bed each night by ten, 

I might get back my looks again, 

If I abstain from fun and such, 

I'll probably amount to much, 

But I shall stay the way I am, 

Because I do not give a damn. 

Dorothy Parker seems to have the right idea. 

And that's how Clara C's it!

The Ultimate Showdown!

Who would win in a wizard fight?

Gandalf the White...

Pros:  Gandalf the Grey re-incarnate

Defeated Saruman

Not only is he good at doing magic, but he has also mastered the art of wrecking everyone with this staff. 

Has Shadowfax

Cons:  Is always needing help from other people to make his plans work. 

Gandalf the Grey... 

Pros:  Those gigantic eyebrows 

Boss at making smoke rings

Defeated the Balrog in the Mines of Moria

Uttered the immortal line "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Cons:  Probably has smokers lung

Can't defeat Saruman 

Dumbledore...

Pros:  Greatest wizard of his time

Defeated Grindelwald

Is the only wizard Voldemort fears

Pretty great at spells and stuff...

Cons:  Never really around when you need him

May have killed his sister

Doesn't have a particularly intimidating name

Voldemort...

Pros:  Merciless

Ruthless 

Ugly enough to scare you to death

Immortal*

Cons:  No beard 

Is eventually defeated by a 17 year old 

Doesn't take the time to learn the full story before engaging in the duel of his life.

Merlin...

Pros:  The Original wizard 

Must be good because he works for a king

Helps Arthur claim the throne 

Cons:  Is eventually imprisoned in a tree...

or the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz?

Pros:  Intimidation factor

Cons:  Actually just a man behind a curtain who is really good with smoke and mirrors.

...he is a con

Notice, the only legitimate wizards have huge-ass beards.  Voldemort is legitimate, but he eventually meets a bitter end...probably because he didn't take the time to grow out his facial hair before his final battle with Harry Potter.

Mum says that the Wizard of Oz, although he isn't really a wizard, gets you to believe in yourself and that, perhaps, is the greatest magic of all... oh puhlease.  

*Until you destroy his horcruxes.

"Do not meddle in the affairs of Wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger."

And that's how Clara C's it!

Ambiguity

I was once having a deep discussion with a friend (you know who you are) about the meaning of the word "ambiguous" and we came to the conclusion that the words "ambiguous" or "ambiguity" are sort of ambiguous themselves.  

In almost every college (and sometimes high school) English course a professor will say (at least once, I guarantee you), "The author did this so that there would be a sense of ambiguity" or "This detail is left out so as to remain ambiguous".  I don't think I ever learned what ambiguous meant.  Obviously, I figured it out eventually, but for quite a while I was in the dark and the meaning of ambiguous was, well, ambiguous.  I think that happens for a lot of us.  Who actually knew what ambiguity meant the first time they heard it used?  And who went straight to their dictionary to look it up afterwards?  Not many of is, I'm sure.  We just sort of went along with it until we figured it out, but until then ambiguity had a sense of ambiguity.  Eh?

Speaking of English courses...

Derpy Mr. Collins. (Thank you to whoever made this)

And that's how Clara C's it!

 

Coast Guard City, USA

Welcome to Grand Haven, Michigan aka Coast Guard City, USA.


In the city of Grand Haven the first week of August is always dedicated to celebrating the United States Coast Guard.  We celebrate by dancing in the street, getting drunk in the street, having a carnival in the street, and watching fireworks.


Personally, I'm not a huge fan of the Coast Guard Festival.  I think it's really beneficial to the local economy, and I do enjoy going downtown and people watching, but let's face it, I'm terrified of carnies and this fear will keep me from enjoying Coast Guard for as long as I live.


This fear stems back to my childhood when my favorite movie was "Madeline".  Madeline, the little French orphan with a dog named Genevive and a whole lot of attitude, got abducted at a carnival by a bunch of sketchy carnival workers and since then my life has never been the same.  I just don't trust them.  That's all there is to it.

Keeping watch over Coast Guard City...and keeping a safe distance away from the carnies.

And that's how Clara C's it!